anxiety (also from april)

i am extremely anxious about going back to work tomorrow. every one i’ve talked to about the incident, one of my fellow fellows, a good friend and my roommate, agreed that i was right in the way i handled the situation. but that doesnt really change that i have lunch duty with the trio for the next 8 weeks or so. i’ve already more or less given up on eating in the teacher’s lounge with them. i’ve even taken to eating my leftovers cold so as to avoid it entirely. but now i know where there’s a microwave on the first floor.

i know the teachers who i’m friendly with, the ones i work with, will still be friendly. and the ones who have told their classes to stop talking to me, the classes those three aides work with, will continue to dislike me. so, whatever. but i still fear that i escalated a hostile working environment to another level. thinking about emailing my prof about what i should do. but i dont think there’s really anything i can do to make it better. just keep doing what i do, putting my head down, ignoring the crap and trying to do the best i can and trying to treat the kids as well as they deserve to be treated. i know i failed in many ways to actively cultivate allies, but in some ways my “i am rock, i am an island” approach has kept me sane.